The road to hell.

You know the saying.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

You'd think that with all of my practice and with every good intention that I possess (this is a lot of good intentions, believe it or not) that I would be a strong communicator by now. Lord knows I talk enough. I even teach engineers how to communicate.

And yet.

This is a melancholy entry at a time in my life when I am so happy that I can't recall the last time I was filled with such joy. Oh yes, there is certainly stress -- work, school, friendships, relationship. All of these things can add to the churn.

But I thought I was doing so much better and I learn that again I have so far to go. I have so much to gain, still, before I am the Sarah I need to be.

I'm reminded of something Sir Charles Barkley says in his book I May Be Wrong But I Doubt It. Sir Charles is about faith and, if you know anything about him besides his on-court persona and skills, you might know that he's a Christian. He starts one chapter, titled "God Doesn't Have a Favorite Team," by arguing that religion and sports should not mix. He writes, "I don't like to hear guys after they win a match or a game or a fight go into an interview and say, 'God was on my side.' How stupid is it to presume that God has a favorite team, or that he would take your side against your opponent? . . . And number two, doesn't it seem like we're praying to God to win us a game when he must have more important things to worry about than this basketball game? I hope and pray God has more important things on his mind that some game. I can't believe with all the serious stuff going on today in the world -- terrorism, war, hunger, poverty, violence, hatred -- that guys think their football or basketball game that day is the most important thing God might have to deal with."

This is relevant, I promise.

In the last few years when I've faced challenges, it's easy to say, "God, fix it. Fix my problems." Instead, I've taken a different way because, echoing the words above, does God really care if I get promoted or close on a house or go out with a certain guy? No. Instead I've focused on things like patience, acceptance, strength, wisdom, courage to do the right thing, or kindness. These are the things I need to make it through challenges, not more money or more friends.

So back to those intentions I started this post with.

Sometimes we can say things and have the best intentions. They come from caring, from love, and from genuine kindness -- from openness and honesty, from a place of truth. From the heart. And it goes horribly, miserably wrong. Of course the first feeling I get is terrible. The thought that what I say or do is hurtful to others is pretty much as much as I can bear.

But then there is the moment of opportunity, the moment to understand, the moment to do better. I so want to do better. I do.

I have nothing but good intentions. I really do.

XOXO
Sarah